


Interactions

by Storm_Clouds_and_Starshine



Series: the suffering won't fade (just because time's past) [6]
Category: Digimon - All Media Types, Digimon Tamers
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Amnesia, Angst, But only near the end, Cuddles, Denial, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Lonliness, Mentions of memory loss, also mentions of evolutionary stages, bc it's digimon, cyberdramon is literally the most important person to ryou, even if its only to our murder-happy cyborg dragon best friend, if only because ryou prolly wouldn't have said anything in canon, in my au we talk about our feelings, in this series at least, it's a ryou pov so that's a warning on its own, whee! we've offically reached canon divergence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-15
Updated: 2021-03-15
Packaged: 2021-03-23 09:35:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,273
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30053454
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Storm_Clouds_and_Starshine/pseuds/Storm_Clouds_and_Starshine
Summary: Ryou and Cyberdramon get onto the Ark.Ryou and Monodramon get off of the Ark in the human world.Ryou has been used to Cyberdramon, in all these ten months. Monodramon is not Cyberdramon.
Relationships: Akiyama Ryou | Ryo Akiyama & Cyberdramon (Tamers)
Series: the suffering won't fade (just because time's past) [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1932964
Comments: 6
Kudos: 5





	Interactions

**Author's Note:**

> anyways its like midnight but i got Sad and started writing. oops
> 
> anyways we never get any indication that cyberdramon was in any form other than his cyberdramon one for those ten months, and i can't imagine ryou would have known what monodramon looked like before then. and of course, it's me writing, so there's the inevitable angst
> 
> work warnings: uhhh denial (that monodramon is cyberdramon), mentions of amnesia and a bit of identity crisis (bc it's ryou), probably something else i can't think off the top of my head? it's 12:30 am as i type this and i have to get up at 6 tomorrow for school
> 
> also sometimes you've gotta play the tower of god opening on loop as you write. don't judge me, TOP -Japanese ver.- is a good song

Ryou knew things.

  
  


Everyone knew things, of course, he wasn’t going to say that - but there were things that _Ryou_ knew, and it was important that he knew them. His name (Akiyama Ryou). His age (fourteen, he was going to be fifteen in a month). His favorite color (blood red, like Cyberdramon’s wings, when the dragon would wrap Ryou up in them). His digimon partner (Cyberdramon, the dragon that was partly mechanical and larger than Ryou was). How many humans were in the digital world (only one, and it was him, all alone). How many memories he had (too few, not enough, never enough, he needed _more_ but couldn’t fill in all those gaps-).

  
  


Except.

  
  


Except now there were more humans in the digital world, and he tried to call up whatever person he had been those ten (?) months ago but all he could remember was fake smiles and acting like nothing was wrong when _everything_ was wrong and. Ryou put on his fake smile and fake face and was fake again for all those times when he interacted with the other humans, because he didn’t know how to be anything else around humans. He knew how to be real around Cyberdramon, but could he trust the humans with that? Probably not. Humans made _assumptions_. Cyberdramon never had.

  
  


And, maybe it was weird to think this all, suddenly, but Ryou was finding it a bit hard to breathe (and maybe that was because he’d held his breath), because the digimon sitting across from him and staring into him with gold eyes ( _eyes_ , he’d always had those hidden before-) was a small, purple dragon. 

  
  


Ryou wanted Cyberdramon. Where did Cyberdramon go? He had been right _there_ , right next to Ryou, and Ryou remembere the way the dragon had loomed over his back the way Cyberdramon _always_ did, but-

  
  


They’d hopped into the arc, along with everyone else, and.

  
  


This was not Cyberdramon. Cyberdramon wasn’t this _small_ or this - _purple_ , and Cyberdramon didn’t have eyes that you could _see_ , and most of all Cyberdramon had _never_ had that look of _worry_ on his face-

  
  


“Ryou?” Said the digimon that was not Cyberdramon. “Are you okay, Ryou?”

  
  


What did Ryou _do_? The digimon obviously seemed to think they had met him ( ~~maybe it could be-? No, no it couldn’t be~~ )

  
  


“I’m sorry,” Ryou said, tilting his eyes and mouth into that apologetic little smile that always worked whenever he wanted someone to stop asking _why don’t you remember me_ \- “- but I don’t think I’ve met you before?”

  
  


Ryou could feel everyone in the arc stop, and. That. That was not good. That was a _problem_ , Ryou knew that he’d done something wrong and he already regretted it.

  
  


The digimon that was _not_ ( _could not_ be) Cyberdramon frowned, and the expression of _confusion_ and _heartbreak_ was even more convincing than anything that this was _not_ Cyberdramon. Cyberdramon _loathed_ to show anything other than bloodlust - ‘visible emotions are something your enemies can use against you’, after all.

  
  


“But, Ryou - you have? I’ve been with you for months? You know me by now, don’t you?” The small dragon said, tilting his head slightly to the side, and Ryou was even more firmly convinced that this was _not_ Cyberdramon.

  
  


“I’m sorry,” Ryou said again, never letting that smile slide from his face (never letting the others see how much he noticed their watching, because he hadn’t survived ten months of fights and being on edge next to Cyberdramon by being blind to his surroundings), “-but the only one I’ve been with consistently in ten months has been Cyberdramon. Perhaps you’re just confused, or mistaking me for someone else?” Privately, Ryou doubted that, but he didn’t want to give away more than he already had.

  
  


A thought occurred to him, then. “You wouldn’t have happened to see Cyberdramon, would you? We got onto this Ark together, he was right behind me, but I don’t know where he went.” 

  
  


Something in the small dragon’s expression broke, and that part of Ryou that knew that feeling of _despair_ (because those memories never found themself, because he was _lonely_ sometimes, not knowing what he was missing, because he couldn’t get back the person that _everyone wanted him to be_ ) wanted to cuddle the dragon close and comfort him. The other part of him, the part that had gotten used to Cyberdramon, had learned to rely on Cyberdramon for everything in a world where doubt lead to death and Cyberdramon would never let a single part of Ryou be hurt, just wanted Cyberdramon _back_ from wherever he went.

  
  


A few moments passed. No one spoke.

  
  


“I’m Monodramon.” The small dragon spoke up, suddenly. 

  
  


Ryou nodded, slowly. “It’s nice to meet you then, Monodramon.” A breath, and then, before he could think better of it - “are you sure you haven’t seen Cyberdramon anywhere? He can’t have just disappeared, he’s quite a large dragon.”

  
  


Monodramon hesitated, before slowly shaking his head.

  
  


Ryou suddenly wanted to cry.

  
  


Before his thoughts could spiral any further than the sudden I-want-to-cry impulse, however, one of the other human children - who’s names Ryou couldn’t remember even though he’d tried - spoke up. “Um, Ryou-san?”

  
  


Ryou hummed in acknowledgement. 

  
  


“Well - all of our partners are in their Child forms, right? Xiaochun-chan’s Andiramon became Lopmon when she climbed into the Ark.” The child who was speaking - he had brown hair and yellow goggles, and Ryou felt like the goggles were supposed to look like something else - had glanced at the even smaller girl with her Lopmon - a sibling? No, he didn’t have that sibling-look that Ryou had seen too often in the hospital between other patients who were stuck there for some time, maybe the black-haired boy with the Terriermon? Yes, the similar partners, would make sense.

  
  


Ryou realized he’d been letting his thoughts spiral in an effort not to think of who _wasn’t_ there, and made another noise.

  
  


“Well, Cyberdramon probably reverted to his Child form?”

  
  


Ryou. . . supposed that that would make sense. “I guess so.”

  
  


“So since everyone else’s partners are here, and Monodramon is here, but Cyberdramon isn’t, wouldn’t it make sense for Monodramon to be Cyberdramon’s Child form?” The goggle-wearing boy reasoned.

  
  


And. It did make sense, if Ryou looked at Monodramon, and turned his head, and squinted a bit (which he did). But.

  
  


“Cyberdramon never used his Child or Adult forms.” Ryou said aloud, staring into Monodramon’s golden eyes again. “How do I know his Child form isn’t something else, and Monodramon just ended up here somehow?”

  
  


Ruki appeared in time to hear Ryou say that (and he’d only remembered her name because he’d listened to Cyberdramon growl about her under his breath when he thought Ryou couldn’t hear), and something in her eyes got cold and hard. She opened her mouth, about to say something, and Ryou figured he would just weather whatever harsh words she had for him, formed from the flawed image of the Ryou-that-was-supposed-to-be-perfect.

  
  


To his surprise, however - Monodramon had leapt up, snarling, positioning himself between Ryou and Ruki as if he were Cyberdramon and Ruki were some enemy that’d had the gall to land a hit on Ryou. “Don’t say anything mean to Ryou! He’s been hurt a lot and he hasn’t seen another human in months and the last thing he needs is for one of the first persons he sees to be cruel to him! If you want to say anything cuel to Ryou you’ll have to go through me first, and I’ll _tear you apart_!”

  
  


As he’d spoken, the dragon got angrier, and his voice dropped, until by the end of it he sounded nearly identical to Cyberdramon, if Cyberdramon’s voice was less raspy.

  
  


( _Maybe it_ could _be-?_ )

  
  


Silence reigned once again, until one of the boys who’d been with Ryou and Cyberdramon for a while after Ruki left discovered a MarinAngemon in his pocket, and that bit of chaos took everyone else’s attention. With the rest of the humans and digimon all distracted, Ryou scooted over to one of the vaguely-corner-looking parts of the Ark. Monodramon (Cyberdramon?) followed him.

  
  


“You don’t like being cooped up.” The small thing commented, quietly.

  
  


Ryou shook his head. He - he didn’t want to speak right now. (He had a feeling that if he opened his mouth, questions would fall out, revealing the ugly vulnerabilities he’d only showed to Cyberdramon, the ones he didn’t want to show to all the other children in this room who’d never had to deal with not knowing who they were or if they’d ever really existed, if all anyone wanted was the person they _had_ been, and - they didn’t need to deal with that).

  
  


Monodramon scooted a little closer, until his claws were brushing against Ryou’s legs, from where Ryou had pulled his knees against his chest. “I didn’t mean to revert.” Monodramon said, and it felt like an apology and a confession and an accusation all at once. “I didn’t know I _had_ until you didn’t know who I was.”

  
  


Ryou surprised himself by speaking, barely loud enough to hear. “I still don’t think you’re Cyberdramon. Cyberdramon wasn’t ever emotionally open like you are.”

  
  


Monodramon didn’t argue that. He shuffled a bit closer, until his head was sitting next to Ryou’s head, and both of their heads were on Ryou’s knees. “Cyberdramon heard voices, arguing a lot. The mean one is a lot quieter now, but the sad one is a lot louder and I think it wants to be me.”

  
  


“Do you want it to be you?”

  
  


Ryou was pretty sure the only reason why Monodramon didn’t shake his head was because he wouldn’t be able to keep his head on Ryou’s knees if he did that. “I don’t think so. It’s hard to think because of the voice. I want it to go away. The voices are easier to ignore when I’m Cyberdramon.”

  
  


“I wish you were Cyberdramon.” Ryou says, and it comes out angrier and more scared than Ryou meant to say, in front of Monodramon or the other children who weren’t paying attention or even in front of Cyberdramon.

  
  


Monodramon just made a sad noise. “Me too.”

  
  


Most of the rest of the ride home continued like that - in silence, small conversations constantly happening between the other children and all their digimon, but no more words from Ryou or Monodramon.

  
  


Ryou wasn’t really sure what to expect when he got to the real world. It all seemed. . . off, somehow. Like his time in the digital world had broken his memories of the human world and inserted parts of itself into the memories. The digital world probably had - it was good at that.

  
  


He wasn’t sure if he was happy or not about his dad’s thinly-veiled frustration and fear and anger, or the way the other children still looked at him a bit off, or the way the other parents tried and failed to his the concern in their eyes. Ryou ignored it. He was very good at ignoring those looks and his own feelings - being hospitalized for major amnesia and surgeries for shrapnel embedded in your arm that you didn’t even remember happening made him good at that.

  
  


He held Monodramon’s hand, though. It made him feel better, pretending that it was Cyberdramon instead.

  
  


He didn’t remember much of the conversation between himself and his dad, barely remembered his dad’s annoyance at the way Monodramon poked at all the things (“he’s never been in the human world, he just wants to make sure there’s nothing that’s gonna kill us” he thought he said at one point). Ryou couldn’t remember when exactly they’d gotten home, or when he’d gone back to talking in his Hataka accent instead of the fake Tokyo one that he used around the other children (because he had to be perfect, didn’t he?), but he blinked and it seemed like he’d suddenly ended up in bed, Monodramon sitting on the floor staring up at him in the darkness.

  
  


“Ryou?” Monodramon asked, quietly.

  
  


His digivice - D-Arc? - was heavy in his hands, and Ryou still had all those cards tucked into the pockets of the jacket he’d torn up months ago, still lying on the floor next to all his other clothes. It was odd not to be wearing them, after living in them for months - his pajamas felt a bit too soft, and he was pretty sure that the only reason that his parents hadn’t thrown the scraps of clothing out immediately was due to Ryou’s reluctance to be rid of them and the fact that the digital world didn’t really cause odors to build up the way the human world did. 

  
  


“Ryou?” Monodramon asked again. There was another question inside of it this time.

  
  


Ryou patted his bed, next to him, and Monodramon took that invitation to hop up onto the blankets and curl next to Ryou.

  
  


It was quiet, and the bed was soft, and Ryou should have been able to sleep. He didn’t. The bed was too soft, and he wasn’t used to blankets, and Cyberdramon wasn’t _there_ , and -

  
  


He blinked, furiously. He didn’t have time to cry. There was the D-Reaper to deal with, and he’d need to go back to Tokyo soon to help deal with that, because Cyberdramon never refused a fight, and -

  
  


This time, Ryou wasn’t able to blink fast enough, and the tears woldn’t stop once they’d started. He curled onto his side, trying to hide his face (he never felt _safe_ anymore, not without Cyberdramon, who wasn’t _here_ -). Ryou wanted to go home. He was home. He wanted to go back to the digital world - it wasn’t safe in the digital world, and he couldn’t go back anyways. He wanted - 

  
  


He wanted _Cyberdramon_. Not this bed that was too soft or the blankets that were too heavy or these clothes that had been freshly washed, or this house that was still filled with the ghost of the person he had to have been once, the house filled with ghosts of memories Ryou couldn’t ever get back. He wanted Cyberdramon, he wanted the person who’s face he’d woken up to every day for ten months, he wanted the _one person_ who Ryou had known as _Ryou_ and not as the person made from the memories Ryou didn’t have. He wanted the one person he’d known for all of his life - all of the life he remembered.

  
  


“Ryou?” Monodramon was looking at Ryou again, and Ryou didn’t bother trying to hide his sniffles because there wasn’t really a point, was there, Monodramon heard everything anyways.

  
  


“I want Cyberdramon.” 

  
  


It was quiet, and soft, but Ryou had to say it. Even if Monodramon was Cyberdramon’s Child form, Monodramon wasn’t _Cyberdramon_. Ryou didn’t even know _why_ \- the other tamers, their partners stayed the same through the evolutions, didn’t they? So why was Monodramon so _different_?

  
  


His D-Arc was heavy in his hands, and the sudden glow would have made Ryou close his eyelids if he’d cared.

  
  


The bed creaked under new weight that hadn’t been there before.

  
  


“Ryou.” 

  
  


And - just hearing his name, from that voice, was enough to make Ryou turn.

  
  


Cyberdramon didn’t fit on the bed very well, did he? The cyborg dragon was bigger than Ryou was, and heavier besides.

  
  


Cyberdramon’s face and voice remained expressionless, but his tail twitched just a bit, and he moved his arms apart. “I’m here, Ryou.”

  
  


It was all Ryou needed. He threw himself into Cyberdramon’s arms, and the dragon wrapped himself around Ryou again. Just like they’d always done before.

  
  


“I’m sorry for leaving.” The barest hint of sorrow, but a hint was all you got with Cyberdramon.

  
  


“You were still there.” Ryou pointed out, feeling like he had to try not to cry again - crying was a good way to get yourself killed.

  
  


Cyberdramon made an odd noise - somewhere between a growl and a purr. Ryou didn’t remember if Cyberdramon could purr or not. “I don’t like being Monodramon. I’m small and weak and can’t protect you.”

  
  


The dragon pulled back a bit, until his face was level with Ryou’s, and had his head not been covered by the helmet Ryou could have been staring into his eyes. Like he’d done with Monodramon.

  
  


Ryou should probably say something. “I’m sorry for doubting you earlier.”

  
  


“It’s my own fault for not making sure you were familiar with my other forms. Denial is a dangerous thing on the battlefield.” Cyberdramon said. A bit awkwardly, but he’d always framed everything around strength. It was simply how he was. 

  
  


Ryou sighed. “Are the voices still loud?”

  
  


The smallest shake of Cyberdramon’s head. “I’m just me.” The dragon promised. “Not going anywhere.”

  
  


Ryou inhaled a shuddering breath, and tucked his head against Cyberdramon’s neck. “Promise?”

  
  


“Promise.” Cyberdramon confirmed, one hand moving up to rest on Ryou’s head. It was the closest Ryou remembered to Cyberdramon ever being _soft_. “We’re partners. I’ll always be as strong as you need for me to be, as long as I can protect you.”

  
  


“I don’t care how strong you are.” Ryou admitted, and it felt like he was having two conversations at once, in the darkness when he was supposed to be asleep. One with the words being said, and one with the words that weren’t said but meant all the same. “I just want you to be Cyberdramon.” 

  
  


He pulled back a bit, looking into what would have been Cyberdramon’s eyes. “You’re. . . you’re the only person I can remember who’s always been with me.” Ryou admitted, another ugly truth that went against what he was _supposed_ to know. “Everyone always expects me to be the person I was before I got amnesia. Everybody _wants_ me to be the person I was before I got amnesia. Nobody wants the me that can’t remember fourteen years of my life and who has to use my left hand because my right arm shakes too much.” All those things he’d wanted to say, but couldn’t until now. “I - It scares me, all the things I don’t have. All those holes in my memory.” And the tears are back, slowly, trickling down his face like little raindrops. 

  
  


“I only remember thirteen months of my life.” Ryou didn’t let himself look away from Cyberdramon. “I think you’re the one person who I couldn’t live without.”

  
  


Cyberdramon made a pained, crooning noise then, and Ryou found himself pressed against the dragon even harder, Cyberdramon’s arms and legs and tail and wings all wrapping around to keep the boy pressed against the dragon’s chest. “You’re mine.” Cyberdramon said, with such conviction that Ryou would never doubt it was true. “I won’t leave you. We’re partners. You make my life better just by existing.”

  
  


Something in Ryou broke, and this time he didn’t care if he sobbed into Cyberdramon’s shoulder. Cyberdramon wasn’t going to leave. Ryou wasn’t going to be alone.

  
  


And that was enough, for Ryou. To have Cyberdramon, for however long it would be. To have Cyberdramon to curl around Ryou and cuddle him to keep him warm when it was cold, to have Cyberdramon to loom over him when someone was almost a threat, to have Cyberdramon tear apart anyone who’d injured Ryou. To have Cyberdramon, just _there_. And even in that too-soft bed, with the too-heavy blankets and too-clean pajamas, Ryou slept better than he had in a long while, with his dragon and best friend curled around him. Perhaps he would be Monodramon again by the morning - would probably have to be - but for now, it was Ryou and Cyberdramon, like it always had been.

  
  


And that was enough.

**Author's Note:**

> hi. if you're crying, join the miracles verse server and cry with me. and then you can suggest more stuff for me to write so that maybe you won't be crying as much. or leave a comment, that works too, i live for comments and love the validation (https://dicsord.gg/FTkZkyy )
> 
> also you can tear cyberdramon being soft around ryou out of my cold dead hands. cyberdramon CARES, dangit! let him cuddle ryou, the both of them would probably be way too touch-starved otherwise. besides, dragon cuddles are probably the best


End file.
